you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
