Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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