I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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