dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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