He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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