She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
