I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
