Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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