Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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