Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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