The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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