shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
