Only a mothe r could love this liver
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
