Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
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tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
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just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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