I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I CAN MOONWALK!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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