I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
