i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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