I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
