I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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