wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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