Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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