How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
