my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
