Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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