If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You are a genius and a whore.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
