If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
