so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
