I didn't shave. On purpose
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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