I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
