You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
