you win again, gameday.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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