Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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