I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
