Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
