the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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