I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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