There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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