Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
