I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
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I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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