I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
