the day after is always just damage control
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
