you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
