soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
