I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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