YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
