We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
