I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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