He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
