I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
