dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
