I puked a lego.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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