You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
