Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
