Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
