Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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