It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
