Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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