I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
