Where is the hickey?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
