This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
