I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
