I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
