my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
