Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
