You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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