It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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