In the future we'll all be gay
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
