The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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